Chris Knight: Have you ever seen a body like this before in your life?
CIA Man Decker: She happens to be my daughter.
Chris Knight: Oh. Then I guess you have.

[Looking at Dr. Meredith's bunny slippers, then his own.]
Chris Knight: May I say, sir, I admire your taste in footwear.

Chris: Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work, work, work, work, work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is study. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the mutant hamster races and we had one entry into the Madame Curie look-alike contest and he was disqualified later. Why do I bother?

Dr. Hathaway: When you first started at Pacific Tech you were well on your way to becoming another Einstein and then you know what happened?
Chris Knight: I got a haircut?

Jordan: I never sleep, I don't know why. I had a roomate and I drove her nuts, I mean really nuts, they had to take her away in an ambulance and everything. But she's okay now, but she had to transfer to an easier school, but I don't know if that had anything to do with being my fault. But listen, if you ever need to talk or you need help studying just let me know, 'cause I'm just a couple doors down from you guys and I never sleep, okay?

Dr. Hathaway: Mitch, there's something you need to know. Compared to you, most people have the IQ of a carrot.

Dr. Hathaway: Bodie, I noticed you stopped stuttering.
Bodie: I've been giving myself shock treatments.
Dr. Hathaway: Up the voltage.

Professor Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab.
Chris: Fine. I'll gain weight.

Chris Knight: It's yet another in a long series of diversions in an attempt to avoid responsibility.

Chris Knight: Would you prepared if gravity reversed itself? The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it! Nudity!

Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris Knight: Because if I wear it any place else, it chafes.

Chris Knight: Kent put his name on his license plate.
Mitch Taylor: My mother does that to my underwear.
Chris Knight: Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?

Old Lady: Tell me, what's Einstein really like?
Professor Hathaway: Dead.

Professor Hathaway: You still run?
Chris Knight: Only when chased.

Mitch Taylor: The weirdest thing just happened to me.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch Taylor: No...
Chris Knight: Why, am I the only one who has that dream?

Chris Knight: If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want...well, that's where you're right. But - and I am only saying that because I care - there's a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.

Professor Hathaway: What are you looking at? You're laborers; you should be laboring. That's what you get for not having an education.

Mitch Taylor: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight: You've seen him too?
Mitch Taylor: Who is he?
Chris Knight: Hollyfeld.
Mitch Taylor: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch Taylor: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there!
Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him!
Mitch Taylor: Yeah...
Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch! Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

Chris Knight: When you're smart, people need you.

Chris Knight: Ice turned out great.
"Ick" Ikagami: Yeah, it worked, didn't it?
Chris Knight: How did you do it?
"Ick" Ikagami: Oh sure, I tell you, then you tell somebody else, and the next thing you know, we're in the middle of another ice age...
It worked! Now if we can just keep it from exploding!
Talking to Kent: I'm not saying, but I can tell you that it's fairly rare, and very unstable
Chris: Just like you!

If you ever need a skating rink in your hallway, mutant fruit, or to gas a dorm room, then Ick's yer man.

Chris Knight:  Let's just take a step back. No, I was wrong, I'm sorry, take a step forward. Now take a step back. And, a step forward, and a step back, and then we're cha-chaing.

Dr. Jerry Hathaway:  Take one and pass them back, just like your I.Q. was normal.

Chris Knight:  You didn't straighten up the place, did you?
Mitch Taylor:  No.
Chris Knight:  Good. Because all my filth is in alphabetical order.  This, for example, was under H, for toy.

Chris Knight:  Would you classify that as a launch problem, or a design problem?

Chris Knight:  Welcome to Pacific Tech's Smart People on Ice.

Lazlo Hollyfeld:  How'd you do?
Chris Knight:  How'd I do? I passed, but I failed. Yeah!
Lazlo Hollyfeld:  Well, then, I'm happy and sad for you.

Bodie:  I guess it goes from God to Jerry to you to the cleaners.

Kent: You're all a bunch of degenerates!
Chris: We are? What about that time I found you naked with that bowl of jello?
Kent: You did not!
Chris: This is true.
Kent: I was hot and I was hungry!   Well I'm gonna get you guys! You're gonna rue the day!
Chris: "Rue the day?"  Who talks like that?

"You are Chris Knight aren't you?"
"I hope so, I'm wearing his underwear"

Chris Knight: Self-realization. I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates, when he said, "I drank what?"

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Background: "The School of Athens," by Raphael Sanzio