Toula Portokalos: Nice Greek girls do three things. Marry Greek boys. Make Greek babies. Feed everybody until the day we die. 

Toula Portokalos:Our purpose is to breed more loud breeding Greek eaters.

Toula Portokalos: A couple of years later my dad brought his mother over from Greece to live with us—because we weren’t weird enough.

Toula Portokalos: My brother has two jobs... to cook, and to marry a Greek virgin.

Angelo: Hey Ian, we're gonna kill ya! Opah!

Gus Portokalos: [to Ian, in Greek] When my people were developing philosophy, your people were still swinging from trees.
Toula: He likes you! 

Maria Portokalos: I gave you life so you could live it.

Toula Portokalos: [Pointing to Ian's bruised nose] What happened? Biker fight? nose job? What?
Ian Miller: Uh...yeah.
Toula Portokalos: No, really.
Ian Miller: You don't want to know.
Toula Portokalos: Oh I don't know. If I had survived an old lady a---kicking I would want to brag about it.

Maria Portokalos: Nicko! Don't play with food! When I was your age, I didn't have food!

Aunt Voula: [upon learning Ian is a vegetarian] What do you mean, you don't eat no meat? ... That's okay. I'll make lamb.

Gus Portokalos: Miller is from the Greek root for ‘apple.’ Our name means orange. That mean tonight we have an apple and orange. We’re all different. But in the end. We all fruit.

Maria Portokalos: Touvla, On my wedding night, my mother, she said to me, "Greek women, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom.
Toula Portokalos: EEw! Please let that be the end of your story.

Toula Portokalos: When I was growing up, I knew I was different. The other girls were blonde and delicate, and I was a swarthy six-year-old with sideburns.
Toula Portokalos: I had to go to Greek school, where I sat in a room translating, "If Nick has one goat and Maria has nine, how soon will they marry?"

Gus Portokalos: There are two kinds of people - Greeks, and everyone else who wish they was Greek.

Harriet Miller: How are we supposed to know what's going on?
Rodney Miller: It's all Greek to me.

Aunt Voula: You family now, so I tell you a story. All my life...I have this lump on the back of my neck. When I reach the menopause, the lump get bigger. I go to the doctor, and he performs a...bo-bobopsy. And inside the lump, he finds teeth, and a spinal column. The lump...it was my twin.
[Ian's parents are horrified. Voula grabs a drink and toasts.]
Aunt Voula: Hupah!!

Toula Portokalos: Nice Greek girls who don't find a husband, work in the family restaurant. So here I am, day after day, year after year, thirty and way past my expiration date.

[Toula is wearing a fancy dress for a secret date with Ian]
Gus Portokalos: Where are you going?
Toula Portokalos: Pottery class.

Thia Voula: I could snap you like a chicken.

Gus Portokalos: Didn't I say it was a mistake to educate women?

Maria Portakalos:You know, it's lucky for me I have you to tie my shoes

Angelo: Did somebody sit on your hair?

Nikki: Well, well...If it isn't Mr. Pottery Class himself.

Gus Portakalos: Say any word, and I'll tell you how the root of that word is Greek.
Gus Portokalos: Kimono, kimono, kimono. Ah! Kimono is come from the Greek word kimona, which is mean winter. What do you wear in the winter? A robe! So, there you go!

Maria Portakalos: [whispering] This cake has a hole in it.

[Whenever anyone has an ailment.]
Gus Portakalos: I'll get the Windex!

[During Ian's baptism.]
Toula Portakalos: Any second now he's gonna look at me and say, "You're so not worth this."

Ian Miller: May I please date your daughter?
Gus Portakalos: NO!!!

Toula Portakalos: I'm a snow beast.

Nick: Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be part of who you will become.
Toula Portokalos: Nick that's beautiful.
Nick: Yeah that dear Abby really knows what she's talking about.

Are you hungry?
No.
Ok, I'll get you some lamb.