Gracie Hart: F.B.I. You might want to stay out of this.

Gracie Hart: You think I'm gorgeous... you want to kiss me...
you want to date me.

Kathy Morningside: I would much rather cancel the show than have my girls blown up.
Stan Fields: Especially without their knowledge. 

Gracie Hart: Gracie Lou Freebush?!
Eric Matthews: I thought you'd like that.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, well. My IQ just dropped ten points. 

Victor Melling: Why is New Jersey called "The Garden State"?
Gracie Hart: Because "Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State" wouldn't fit on a license plate? 

Victor Melling:  Eyebrows... there should be two...

Gracie Hart:  You know, right now there's a huge gap between my brain and my spinal cord...

Victor Melling:  What are you planning to do for your talent?  Sing, dance, chew with your mouth closed?

Stan Fields: What is the one most important thing our society needs?
Gracie Hart: That would be... harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan.
[Crowd is silent.]
Gracie Hart: And world peace!
[Crowd cheers ecstatically.]
Stan Fields: Isn't she lovely! Thank you, Gracie Lou.
Gracie Hart: And thank YOU, Stan.
[Gracie walks offstage.]
Victor Melling: That was wonderful, are you drunk?
Gracie Hart: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go unscrew my smile!

[To models refusing pizza and beer.]
Gracie Hart: It's lite beer, and she's gonna throw it up anyway.

Stan Fields: Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a
perfect date.
Cheryl "Rhode Island": That's a tough one. I would have to say
 April 25th. Because it's not too warm or too cold, and all you need is a light jacket.

Gracie Hart: I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't
slept all night, I'm starved, AND I'm armed! Don't MESS with

Victor Melling: The last time I saw a walk like that was in "Jurassic Park."

Victor Melling: [teaching Gracie how to glide] See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks. Don't I look pretty?
Gracie Hart: It takes a very secure man to walk like that. 

Gracie Hart: [a taxi nearly runs Gracie over] Hey! I'm gliding here!

Gracie Hart: Look, she's gonna cry again.
[imitating winner]
Gracie Hart: "Oh, if I only had a brain."

Gracie Hart: My teeth-- What are you going to do with my teeth?
Victor Melling: Hopefully, remove the beer stains and steak residue. 

Gracie Hart: In Hawaii don't they use aloha for hello and goodbye?
Miss Hawaii: Yeah, so?
Gracie Hart: so if you're on the phone with somebody and they won't stop talking and you say, ok aloha, don't they just start over again? 

Eric Matthews: This earpiece lets you hear anybody on our frequencies, and they can hear you.
Gracie Hart: Don't need that, with all this foil in my hair I'm getting HBO.

Gracie Hart: Happy, you Donut Nazi?

Victor Melling:  In place of friends and relationships, you have sarcasm and a gun!

Eric Matthews: You're easy to talk to... when you're not armed.

Eric Matthews: Don't look at me like I betrayed you.
Gracie Hart: No, betrayal implies an action, you just stood there! 

Gracie Hart: I would so like to hurt you right now.
Victor Melling: As long as you smile.

Victor Melling: What, no armored car?
Gracie Hart: It's in my other dress.

Victor Melling: Your hair should make a statement.
Gracie Hart: As long as it doesn't say 'Thank you very much for the Country Music Award'! 

Victor Melling: I'm sorry, what was the question? I was distracted by the half-masticated cow rolling around in your wide-open trap. 

[Explaining why she was with a guy the night before]
Gracie Hart: Yeah, I was dating him for a while because he told me he had an incurable disease...
All Girls: ooh.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, I didn't realize it was stupidity. 

Victor Melling: Glide! Glide! Don't pick your feet up. Don't, don't... Why are you picking your feet up?
Gracie Hart: Because I'm preparing to run away! 

Kathy Morningside: Of couse he had a gun. This is Texas!
Everybody has a gun. My florist has a gun!
Stan Fields: I don't own a gun. My ancestors were Quakers.

Victor Melling: Smilers wear a crown, losers wear a frown.
Gracie Hart: I would so like to hurt you right now.
Victor Melling: As long as you smile. 

Eric Matthews: Why don't you shut up.
Gracie Hart: Why? You're shutting up enough for both of us.

Eric Matthews: Look, just relax, all right. Don't annoy him. Don't say anything. Don't argue.
Gracie Hart: I don't argue. I never argue. When do I argue? I might have a heated discussion with somebody when I might get very passionate about what I say, but-- 
Eric Matthews: Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it.

Kathy Morningside: New Jersey, as you know, there are people who consider the Miss United States Pageant outdated and anti-feminist. What would you say to them?
Gracie Hart: Well, I would have to say that I used to be one of them. And then I came here and I realized that these women are smart, terrific people who are trying to make a difference in the world. And we've become really good friends. I mean, I know we all secretly hope the other one will trip and fall flat on her face...but oh wait a minute, I've already done that! And for me this experience has been one of the most rewarding and liberating experiences of my life.
Victor Melling: My god, I did it!
Gracie Hart: And if anyone, anyone tries to hurt one of my new friends, I would take them out. I would make them suffer so much that they'd wish they were never born. And if they ran, I would hunt them down. Thank you, Kathy.
Victor Melling: A brief shining moment and then that mouth! 

Victor Melling: If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you...which is perhaps why I've never reproduced. 

Gracie Hart: The last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus!

Gracie Hart: [To Victor] You know, you're gonna get yours, Henry Higgins.


Return to Movie Quotes


"The Last Ship Home," by Rodney Matthews
This image is © copyright and not to be used without the artist's permission
Background design by SilverBerch, © copyright 2001