Hawkins: Okay, I'd like to ask you one question: After months of pleading for just this kind of action, what makes you think that anybody - anybody could make me reveal the identity of my confederate?
Jean: Because they'd put you on the rack, crack your every bone, scald you with hot oil, and remove the nails off your fingers with flaming hot pincers.
Hawkins: I'd... Like to withdraw the question.

Hawkins: Good. I'd like to get in, get on with it, get it over with, and get out. Get it?
Ravenhurst: Got it.
Hawkins: Good.

Hawkins: Oh, it's very simple, sire. When the Douge did his duty and the Duke didn't, that's when the Duchess did the dirt(?) to the Duke with the Douge.
King Roderick: Who did what to what?
Hawkins: Oh, they all did, sire. There they were in the dark; the Duke with his dagger, the Douge with his dart, Duchess with her dirk.
King Roderick: Duchess with her dirk?
Hawkins: Yes! The Duchess dove at the Duke just when the Duke dove at the Douge. Now the Duke ducked, the Douge dodged, and the Duchess didn't. So the Duke got the Duchess, the Duchess got the Douge, and the Douge got the Duke!

Hawkins: What manner of man is Giacomo? Ha ha! I shall tell you what manner of man is he. He lives for a sigh, he dies for a kiss, he lusts for the laugh, ha! He never walks when he can leap! he never flees when he can fight (thud) oop! He swoons at the beauty of a rose. And I offer myself to you, all of me. My heart. My lips. My legs. My calves. Do what you will -- my love endures. Beat me. Kick me. (kiss, kiss) I am yours.

When I was a lad, I was gloomy and sad
as I was from the day I was born!
When other babes giggled and gurgled and wiggled
I proudly was loudly forlorn!

My friends and my family looked at me clammily,
thought there was something amiss!
When others found various antics hilarious,
all I could manage was this!

or this! (makes face)

or this! (makes face)

or this! (mock crying)

My father, he shouted: He needs to be clouted.
His teeth on a wreath I'll hand him!
My mother she cried as she rushed to my side:
You're a brute! and you don't understand him!

So they sent for a witch with a terrible twitch
to ask how my future impressed her.
She took one look at me and cried
he...hee hee hee hee -- he?
What else could he be but a jester?

A jester? A jester? A funny idea, a jester!
No butcher, no baker, no candlestick maker
and me with the look of a fine undertaker
impressed her...
as a jester?

But where could I learn any comical turn
that was not in a book on the shelf?
No teacher to take me to mold me and make me
a merry mad fool or an elf!

But I'm proud to recall that in no time at all
with no other recourses but my own resources
with firm application and determination...
I made a fool of myself!

Hawkins: The pellet with the poison... the pellet with the poison is in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the true that is brew. Eh... brew that is true- The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the true that is brew. Eh, eh, brew that is true. Eh. The chestle with the pal- eh, eh, palace with the...

Hawkins: The pestle with t... the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the palace from the chalice has the brew that is blue. Eh, no... The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle. The cha- eh, the pellet with the plip... the pellet with the poisle's in the vessel with the plazzle. Eh, the plazzle with the vlessle. Eh, the the bless... The vessel with the plozle is the plazzle with the...

Hawkins: I've got it! I've got it. The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true, right?

Griselda: Right. But there's been a change. They broke the chalice from the palace.

Hawkins: They broke the chalice from the palace?

Griselda: And replaced it with a flagon.

Hawkins: Flagon.

Griselda: With a figure of a dragon.

Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon...

Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon, the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.

Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon!

Griswold: The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!