Cosmetics Saleslady: We also have this new face cream which neutralizes the free radicals that attack the skin. Let me ask you: what's your skin regime?
Dr. Abby Barnes: My regime? The regime from which the radicals are trying to get free? Are we selling face cream or staging a coup?

Abby: Did you call me?
Roy: What?
Abby: I heard dumb b----. I assumed you were talking to me.
Roy: I was talking to her.
Abby: Your name is dumb b---- TOO? No wonder I keep getting all of your mail! You know, we could be related. There are a lot of us dumb b----es here in LA.

Noelle: You and I combined make the perfect woman
Dr. Abby Barnes: No. You and I combined make the perfect political prisoner. What we really do well is act self-righteous and starve.

Abby Barnes: We can love our pets, we just can't LOVE our pets.

Dr. Abby Barnes: How'd it go?
Brian: He (the dog) snored, but we stood it.
Dr. Abby Barnes: How'd you do it?
Brian: He slept on my face so I couldn't hear him.

Noelle: You gotta have a boyfriend, don't you? Otherwise it's just you, a cat, and 40 candles on your birthday cake.

Dr. Abby Barnes: You burp and guys think its adorable. You puke and they line up to hold your hair back.

Noelle: What's wrong, Abby?
Dr. Abby Barnes: Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won't take care of.

Noelle: What is this? Is this cat hair?
Dr. Abby Barnes: I'm shedding. I'm extremely nervous.

Noelle: Disappointment doesn't kill
Dr. Abby Barnes: Right...rejection kills. Disappointment only maims.

Noelle: I don't eat anything so I can look good on the outside, but on the inside, there's nothing.

Dr. Abby Barnes: If you are trapped in Biosphere 3, whom would you want to bring: Time's Woman of the Year or Playboy's Playmate of the Year?

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Background:  "Studies of a Cat," by Thomas Gainesborough